An aging Hindu master grew tired of his apprentice complaining, and so, one morning, sent him for some salt. When the apprentice returned, the master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it. "How does it taste?" the master asked. "Bitter" spit the apprentice. The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake, and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water,the old man said, "Now drink from the lake". As the water dripped down the young man's chin the master asked, "How does it taste?" "Fresh" remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" asked the master. "No," said the young man. At this, the master sat beside this serious young man who so reminded him of himself and took his hands, offering, " The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things.....Stop being a glass. Become a lake."
-Author Unknown-
As I sit across from a person I know very little about, I ask immediate questions that come to mind. What brought you here to therapy, tell me your family history, tell me what you hope to gain in therapy, etc, etc.Pretty generic questionnaire, nonetheless, necessary to begin with. I store each and every answer in my mind, taking note of the things that stand out to me. I talk about confidentiality and the process of therapy. We share glances at each other and I offer a container to store what it is that will be said.
No, I do not compare myself to a Hindu master or a great healer but I do relate to the visual of providing a container for those who enter my office and share their life story. They speak, I listen. What comes out of a session is up to the person sitting across from me. Therapy is not about having a client up against a wall drilling them with questions hoping to pry at what is underneath- I hold the container, I make sure what surrounds this container is safe and secure. What comes up in a session are past wounds. As a therapist it is essential that I know how to facilitate further exploring into their psyche. Knowing what to ask, how to ask is an art in itself. Go deeper, don't go deeper- hold back and let the process take its own journey through the unknown. All the while, keeping in mind my own projection and counter transference that constantly enters the session.
The use of imagery, interpretations of dreams, fairytales and working with Genograms are just a few of the tools I use to step into their world. I have watched the process of my clients getting into their pain, their wounds and all of which they carry with them day in and day out. I hear of so much tragedy and trauma. I sit and they speak more and more about their pain. Pain is a part of life. I can't explain to myself or anyone else for that matter why such horrific and terrible things happen to people. I can't explain why people act in ways they do.
I came across a quote by Ram Das, which stated, "The tragedy in life is not that your heart was broken, rather the real tragedy is that your heart has not been broken enough- The more scars/ wounds you have the bigger the heart grows." Simply said, but I can agree with that on the basis that after the heartbreak occurs, work on the wounds is in order. It's not about pointing fingers but rather going into your own part/ your own actions that contributed to the pain. That is where the healing and the growing of the larger heart occurs.
I feel as I enter the realm of my clients unconsciousness, I am also saying- talk to me, tell me what your story is and I will walk with you through whatever happens to show up. At times it is scary, unpredictable and extremely uncomfortable for the client but I will only go as far as the client sees fit, regardless I am with them at their side.
I work in a helping field. That said, it is important for me to know and be aware that I can't help everyone. Not everyone wants to be helped or feels they need to be helped. Me "saving" or "helping" another is not my job. My job is to be present. Whether it's that they are not psychologically minded or perhaps their ego is not strong enough to withstand all that encompasses working on themselves. I stand not in judgement but more as an observer. I just listen and then work only with what is shared.
My journey in myself has open the door that allows me to be present and aware. When I sit back and think about how I as a student/ therapist arrived to where I am now, a huge grin surfaces. My therapist in Asheville, NC, an Intern from Pacifica Graduate Institute told me as I was about to complete my sessions with her, "Go online, look up Pacifica Graduate Institute- check it out. Carolina, I can see you as a therapist" I ask her, "Where is Pacifica?" Her reply, "Santa Barbara, California" I thought she was nuts but then managed to get online to see what Pacifica was all about. I checked it out all because, as I entered my therapy with her, I was doing the next right thing for myself. I would never in a million years trade that decision for anything. Now I live in beautiful Santa Barbara California.....God works in mysterious ways!
I digressed a tad there...I want to end with saying---I absolutely love the work I do.I love my job. I feel God has given me a gift. Is it a gift that I possess? I don't know...as I ask that my ego enlarges and I remind myself- I must stay humble. I just have to keep on putting one foot in front of the other. I am so excited to where my career is heading. I just have to be patient, trust the process and remain grateful for the many blessings that show up in my life.
